Living the Truth

I recently had a conversation with a newfound friend regarding the importance of living honestly. For me, I have mostly subscribed to this approach my entire life. However, I feel like a few years ago...perhaps more, and for nearly a decade of my adult life...I quite possibly didn't live as truthfully (or at least where my truth was concerned) as I could have. I befriended people that, to be honest I didn't like very much. I married people who had core values very different from my own. I allowed behaviors at home, work, and at school that were intolerable.

Don't get me wrong. I think we innately should all love one another. From a purely humanistic sense, we are all worthy of love and I have a deeply rooted sense of love for every person that I meet. However, the fear of rejection by others shouldn't mean that we accept the unacceptable in our own lives. One can love something or someone without liking them or tolerating the opposition of morals, values, and divisive differences.

I think for me, the real issue comes down to surrounding oneself with the type of people and relationships that are fulfilling and intentionally thoughtful. It does a disservice to the souls of one's soul and that of others, if we "accidentally" follow a relational path.


Personally, as time permits I have began to reread texts from my earlier studies in philosophy. One that (upon recollection) was truly insightful was from Castaneda's A Separate Reality where he says, "Intent is not a thought, or an object, or a wish. Intent is what can make a man succeed when his thoughts tell him that he is defeated. It operates in spite of the warrior's indulgence. Intent is what makes him invulnerable. Intent is what sends a shaman through a wall, through space, to infinity."

I think living honestly and being true to ourselves allows us to be of better service to those around us as well. If I am "less than" or let someone else imply that I'm too "big" or "bright"...I am a lesser me. If I am a lesser me, I have less to give to others. I'm not saying that we have permission to be db's. I'm simply saying that if someone wants you to be miserable with them, tolerate intolerable acts, be mistreated...that's simply not love. And, it's certainly not what God has in mind for us.

Living honestly also factors into other things. For me, the most impactful change has been that of my financial obligations. I am as most of you know...a little high maintenance. I'm kind of a brand whore. I don't think that I am entirely materialistic...but, I feel that I had the most problem with my identity regarding poverty growing up. It took many years, failed marriages, and the resolve to stay afloat to truly understand why I needed to live more simply.

Don't get my wrong. My closet it still plenty stocked. But, I have almost taken on the life of a recovering addict where "things" are concerned. I don't go to my favorite stores. I don't go on as many vacations. I shop vintage and make gifts instead of allocating funds that I don't have to things that are unnecessary. Certainly I am no expert on turning around my finances. I was able to pay for school this semester only due to a grant and the some very loving, generous friends. I was however able to put food on my table and gas in my car. I also gave away more than a hundred pairs of shoes to an organization that provided shoes for those in need. For those of you who know me, that means that there are still over a hundred pair in my closet. But, it's a start right?

I'm no longer embarrassed to say that I can't afford something or ask for financial assistance. I've come to realize that it's dishonest to pretend that I have resources in which I don't (emotional or financial in nature).

So, if you ask my opinion...I will be honest. If you ask me for assistance...I will do my best. But, I'm finally able to put my "mask on first" as they say.