As I write you, I have written my last paper, completed my last exam, cleaned out my locker and study carrel in the library at Wake Forest University. I turned in my key and received my $20.00 deposit back and went out for a celebratory lunch with my best friend, at our favorite seedy restaurant. I've spent three years at Wake Forest University School of Divinity, I've been to Tucson twice, Israel, NYC, and neighborhoods that offered hospitality and continued support for me. I've learned much about God, biblical studies, theology, interfaith work, and things like "call" and "vocation." I've learned that divinity students can be just as competitive as climbing the corporate ladder. Divinity school isn't as mystical and fluffy as I thought, it's far more raw, vulnerable and incredibly lonely. Divinity school has given me a rare glimpse of possibility, it's given me the space to plan and dream, it's also been (sometimes) a less than kind mirror into self, love, and immense loss. Relationships have been made and lost during these three years. I will cherish my time here and forever be grateful, but I am not certain I have it in me to do it again. It is only by the grace of God, the love of a congregation, a few close friends and family that I am able to share with you today.
The painting above was painted by an inmate at the prison in Nogales, Arizona. As part of a spring break trip aptly titled, "Ecotones of the Spirit," we traveled to Tucson, Patagonia, and Nogales. We spent time with Gary Paul Nabhan, Yolanda Sorto at Borderlands Foodbank, Brad Lancaster regarding desert permaculture, No Mas Muertes, Dr. Barbara Eiswerth and Iskashitaa, we witnessed deportation proceedings at Operation Stream Line, and visited with staff at Kino Border Initiative. I'm still processing that trip. We took two days in the middle for a silent retreat at Santa Rita Abbey, where we met Sr. Nettie who helped us center around prayer, the beautiful desert, and mass. The seven of us spent two days literally and liturgically breaking bread, hiking sacred land, listening to melodic choir voices, reading scripture, writing in journals, and recovering from the emotional toil of witness. I will likely write more about this trip, once I have a moment to gather my thoughts...ooh, and after I find my elusive travel journal. It's teal, have you seen it???
My ministry partner, David Harrison and I also went to Tucson in March. The National Benevolent Association, held a retreat for their Incubate Initiative partners and affiliates. It was 36 hours of reflection, fellowship, prayer, and downtime that we don't normally allow ourselves. We are grateful to the staff at NBA and the support we've received from both NBA and our new network of colleagues.
David and I really hit the ground running once we got back from Tucson. The work we do at New Communion is focussed on food justice, but it also and ultimately engages with the daily needs and requests of the neighbors we partner with. Some of our neighbor kids communicated to us that they had never experienced an Easter Egg Hunt. They were coloring pictures and talking about family traditions at school. David, Paul (the President of NC, and the one with the most sense), and I began visioning what a large scale Easter Meal Distribution and an Easter Egg Hunt might require. For us, we thought 300 or so family meal boxes at three different locations, 6000 plastic eggs, copious amounts of candy, and large prizes. Start to finish, this was a five week process that included almost $5,000.00 in prizes (donated from all across the world), cash donations, and more than fifty volunteers. You can read about the event here...Winston-Salem Journal Article
As of this morning...I hit publish. It is November 6th and I am in the chaplain's office working (which is a chaplain residency program at Moses Cone Health Systems in Greensboro). This blog post has been on my "to-do list" since May and I am just now, finally, I think, ready to let go of some of the pain and trauma that lasted three years. Divinity school and my time at Wake Forest shaped my theology, my understanding of race and privilege, my call to work in a church that is an altar in the World, and to be with neighbor at shared tables in varied contexts. Divinity school also represents a time that literally and figuratively wrecked me. My marriage barely survived, many friendships didn't, and I felt violated by many that I trusted.
The whole "Me Too" thing came out a few weeks ago and I don't know what to do with it. Some of you know my story and some of you only know me through this blog. Today, will likely be my last post on this page. I need to let go the hurt and struggles of discernment and live into my call and my identity as a pastor, a writer and a chaplain. This morning, I have assisted with Advanced Directives, spiritual care in the palliative context, sat with a grieving coworker (on the phone), provided pastoral care to staff, as well as addressed personal automotive issues and administrative duties for New Communion. I am not the story that has been told, the difficult, the critical "female" that argues with everyone. I am a caring, confident, pastor/chaplain with a call to be part of a changing world that is returning to the Table. I am the "pastor with the good hair" that can show up and be present in jeans and a t-shirt, a cocktail dress, or her vestments. I am gifted and prophetic and unafraid to say what needs to be said. I love my family and my work. I am called to each differently.
Looking forward to blogging with you as the self that I am reminded I've always been...See you on the other side...
Sincerely, Reverend With the Good Hair (Monica L. Banks)
