“I had to suspend knowledge, in order to make room for faith.” -Immanuel Kant, Critique of Practical Reason
What we "know" via our experiences sometimes (much of the time) gets in the way of possibilities, possibilities of greatness. I argued with a very old friend (I mean seriously argued, as seriously as one can be on facebook) regarding the meaning of Carpe Diem. The individual went on and on about it having something to do with seizing the business of the day. And, I was more concerned about the verb in the sentence. It was a good twenty minutes on validating the doing of nothing. Ugh.
SEIZE:seize/sēz/
Verb:
Take hold of suddenly and forcibly: "she jumped up and seized his arm".
Capture (a place) using force.
So another words...whatever we are seizing it needs to be forceful, actionable, the doing of something. I think that's what faith is. It's the doing, despite the opportunity to ponder indefinitely. It's the jumping off a cliff. It's writing a blog, having no idea what the reader might think. It's saying I love you to someone, not knowing if they love you. It's appreciating the transitory nature of life and time. Having faith is knowing that no matter how bad it gets today, tomorrow is new. Some tomorrows will be far worse and others will be unimaginably better.
I guess the issue is the intellectualizing of things sometimes prevents us from acting. And, the acting...that's faith. I think that faith and reason are "married". They are in fact, partners making choices together. And, just like everything else in life...the truth lies somewhere in the middle, there is always room for doubt, temperance, creativity, sighing, being comforted, and even jumping into the unknown.
I think that the unknown can be greater than what we know. No one likes change. It's crazy uncomfortable, it's different. Even when the change is grand and life-changing, it's different. Even when we have lived a lifetime of nonsense, destruction, abuse, violence...the possibility of greatness can seem daunting and harsh.
I guess it's just where I am at. I've struggled with happiness. I've wrestled with understanding what "enough" is. For now, I am going to have faith in the process. Warmth, love, assurance, grace, swimming (not merely the kind of not drowning), surprises...are all possible.
We all will continue to stumble. But, the stumbles will be less frequent. The injuries will be less catastrophic. The scars will fade. We will heal. And, faith is the process that will relieve the pains of our past and will allow us to love and be loved again.
I think my daughter is one of the best examples I have come across regarding faith. She dances every day. She stretches, she practices, she moves and grooves all the time. She has danced in some way or another since she was two. She has two parts in the Nutcracker. They are not insignificant, each part has value. But, she is understudy for 5 or 6 others (I'm bad because after five, I quit counting). After days of driving back and forth to the studio, I asked why she was doing all the extra parts, what was the incentive for her when she would most likely not see the stage in these characters? She said, "But, I will. Maybe not this year, or next. This is what I am meant to do. This is who I am meant to be. The stage is bigger than this."
And, it is bigger than this for all of us. Have faith. Thanks for having faith in me, and helping me to find it within.
à bientôt
On another note, the project of writing this blog is done, finished, over. Though, I am uncertain if I am. I know that I am very unfinished in the deeper sense. I don't know if I will miss writing this. But, if I do...I will continue to write what is top of mind on any given day. Promises though...it might be a little more superficial on the occasion. It might be about shoes or cupcakes, the rain or a cool breeze. No expectations though. Then, neither one of us will be disappointed. Agreed?
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Never to old...
So, let's start by saying...I've been feeling terribly old lately. I have two kiddos in their teenage years, I am so exhausted, I can't sleep, I have to study and reread material so much more than I used to, I have lines on my neck that appeared out of nowhere during a Disney vacation...So, I feel that I may not always be the hippest chick around.
But, I do think that there are some things we are never too old to do. For example, reinvention!!! I mean we get to make different choices, live elsewhere, take a new career opportunity, and possibly even be an entirely different human being than we once were.
But, the real opportunity for me was a change in perspective. For those that know me personally and not just in the cyber word; you know that I am not close to my mother. I made a choice when I had children to disengage in the abusiveness that she represents. I can honestly say, that is probably the one thing that I have no regrets about. I write her a letter every few years. With which, she promptly reads, disregards, pushes my grandmother away, changes her contact information, and throws it in the trash. A dear friend told me last time around that her reaction wasn't so much to hurt me, it was that God in fact wants me to make better decisions and keep good company. So, it is a message to stay away in a voice that I needed to hear. Isn't that a cool way to look at it? It's far less damaging to my psyche.
I guess the other thing that I'm starting to realize is that the spin on "bad" or "worthlessness" is in the eye of the beholder. I was speaking to someone about my admiration for the relationship he had with his mother. In fact, I was rather envious and when she left to go back home...I was really sad. I was sad that I don't miss my mother. I said that my mother was ____(not sure it should be repeated). And, I was promptly informed that she wasn't all bad because she created me. And, in that moment...I don't think I heard or felt what was said. But later, (perhaps residual, wink) it occurred to me that despite the damage people do to us, despite the inability of the individual to be good....they can still create good. And, that good can either be an accident (if you choose to believe) or divinely inspired.
So, here's to new perspectives. Thanks so much for letting me put my heart out there when I find the time. It's a space here that has allowed me to grieve loss, share in joys, and regularly vent.
But, I do think that there are some things we are never too old to do. For example, reinvention!!! I mean we get to make different choices, live elsewhere, take a new career opportunity, and possibly even be an entirely different human being than we once were.
But, the real opportunity for me was a change in perspective. For those that know me personally and not just in the cyber word; you know that I am not close to my mother. I made a choice when I had children to disengage in the abusiveness that she represents. I can honestly say, that is probably the one thing that I have no regrets about. I write her a letter every few years. With which, she promptly reads, disregards, pushes my grandmother away, changes her contact information, and throws it in the trash. A dear friend told me last time around that her reaction wasn't so much to hurt me, it was that God in fact wants me to make better decisions and keep good company. So, it is a message to stay away in a voice that I needed to hear. Isn't that a cool way to look at it? It's far less damaging to my psyche.
I guess the other thing that I'm starting to realize is that the spin on "bad" or "worthlessness" is in the eye of the beholder. I was speaking to someone about my admiration for the relationship he had with his mother. In fact, I was rather envious and when she left to go back home...I was really sad. I was sad that I don't miss my mother. I said that my mother was ____(not sure it should be repeated). And, I was promptly informed that she wasn't all bad because she created me. And, in that moment...I don't think I heard or felt what was said. But later, (perhaps residual, wink) it occurred to me that despite the damage people do to us, despite the inability of the individual to be good....they can still create good. And, that good can either be an accident (if you choose to believe) or divinely inspired.
So, here's to new perspectives. Thanks so much for letting me put my heart out there when I find the time. It's a space here that has allowed me to grieve loss, share in joys, and regularly vent.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Risky Business...
Happy Holidays! I hope that you had more of a Thanksgiving feast than I did. But, honestly my waistline, rear end, and blood sugars are probably all for the better.
We missed lunch with the fam in Nebraska. And, while I did feel a little sorry for myself (listening to a sermon on "gravy" of all things---nice huh?)...it has probably been one of the best experiences in my adult life. My ballerina and I headed back on Tuesday for a photo shoot. We sang songs in the car for three hours at the top of our collective lungs, talked about girly stuff, and played to the beat of our own quirky drum. I spent a couple nights with a dear friend and her family. We made cookies and drank wine. I saw a movie with someone I love. My ballerina had some daddy time. I picked her up Thursday morning and stopped off at my aunt's house to see my family before we made the trip back home. I got to go to church, see the lights, do a little shopping, and then work my normal weekend shift.
I guess though what I'm left with though is a conversation I had with someone that I love very much. We talked about being scared and taking risks. And, I guess it left me thinking...the biggest blessings that I have are because of risks. The kids are these unexpected...crazy, amazing, people that I get to parent. My grandparents weren't supposed to be the ones who raised me. Well, maybe they were. But, it wasn't their plan. I've met some pretty incredible people all over the country because of moves and relocation. My plan...well, it never really works out. But, maybe...maybe it's when we allow God or the universe to work with us and we stop struggling against it, maybe that's when we can love and be loved in the way intended. Perhaps, what we think is safe...in fact, is the most dangerous of paths. Imaginably, the darkest of paths could be the brightest and most uplifting.
I'm giggling right now because the word "paradox" was used and defined in a situation the other day. But, isn't it appropriate? (cliche but appropriate)
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Thankful List
1-God. I don't know what to write here. I am thankful for being beautiful in his eyes even when I am a hot mess. I am grateful for the voice I heard a voice that told me to listen. I heard through all the noise in my head, the bad decisions, the self-doubt, the anger, sadness and frustrations with what life had become for me.
2-Abuse and poverty. I am thankful that my childhood and some of my adult relationships have been layered with abuse issues. I feel that those struggles have made me more compassionate. My empathy (perhaps there is a bone for that one too) has increased in ways that are incalculable. And, while the negative impacts have been a struggle...my "story" has allowed me to be a better friend, mother, coworker, partner, listener and healer.
3-Family. This one is big. So, I am grateful for the negative impacts family has had. And, that has only made me stronger and more able to realize the struggles of others. It has also made me thankful that my daughter has a wonderful father and to be a better mother to my own children. But, I am appreciative of my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and other extended relatives who have been integral in my success on a microscopic level.
4-My children. This goes universally. I have spent almost two decades being a mother. I can truly say that they have impacted my life in far more positive ways that any other human has. They are strong and creative. They are intuitive and wise beyond their years. They are funny. They make me laugh and cry tears of joy.
5-An ever growing list of people that have steered me in different directions with love, genuine care and compassion. This list is organic so forgive me if I miss a few...Leland Foreman, Ms. Rhodman, Fred Robertson, Shannon Malloy, Amy Black, Elizabeth T., Carol Johnson, Steve, Jason, Sarah, Emily, Cassie, Christy, Lisa, Myca, Kandi, Mary, Renee, Ryan, Julia, Brennan, Shawn, Tim, Brian, Holly, Danielle, Troy, Lauren, Chris, Jennifer, Kristopher, Mark, Claudia, Mindy, Justin, Sarah, Missy, Lindsey, Meghan, Mal, Dan, Heather, Michelle, Jen, Jaki, Scott, John, Matt, Taylor, Barbara, Molly, Maurice, Laurie, Denee, Kim, Tanya, Paula, Bob...and the list could go on and on.
6-Everything else. I am thankful for creation, love affairs, break-ups and heartaches, dance and music, laughter, books, words, warm blankets and heat, a car that drives, makeup and shoes, vintage and new, my dog, hugs, birds and nature, church, silence, noise, beauty in unlikely places, sarcasm and sensitivity, my doctors (primary, dentist, cardiologist, oncologist), therapist, and teachers.
2-Abuse and poverty. I am thankful that my childhood and some of my adult relationships have been layered with abuse issues. I feel that those struggles have made me more compassionate. My empathy (perhaps there is a bone for that one too) has increased in ways that are incalculable. And, while the negative impacts have been a struggle...my "story" has allowed me to be a better friend, mother, coworker, partner, listener and healer.
3-Family. This one is big. So, I am grateful for the negative impacts family has had. And, that has only made me stronger and more able to realize the struggles of others. It has also made me thankful that my daughter has a wonderful father and to be a better mother to my own children. But, I am appreciative of my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and other extended relatives who have been integral in my success on a microscopic level.
4-My children. This goes universally. I have spent almost two decades being a mother. I can truly say that they have impacted my life in far more positive ways that any other human has. They are strong and creative. They are intuitive and wise beyond their years. They are funny. They make me laugh and cry tears of joy.
5-An ever growing list of people that have steered me in different directions with love, genuine care and compassion. This list is organic so forgive me if I miss a few...Leland Foreman, Ms. Rhodman, Fred Robertson, Shannon Malloy, Amy Black, Elizabeth T., Carol Johnson, Steve, Jason, Sarah, Emily, Cassie, Christy, Lisa, Myca, Kandi, Mary, Renee, Ryan, Julia, Brennan, Shawn, Tim, Brian, Holly, Danielle, Troy, Lauren, Chris, Jennifer, Kristopher, Mark, Claudia, Mindy, Justin, Sarah, Missy, Lindsey, Meghan, Mal, Dan, Heather, Michelle, Jen, Jaki, Scott, John, Matt, Taylor, Barbara, Molly, Maurice, Laurie, Denee, Kim, Tanya, Paula, Bob...and the list could go on and on.
6-Everything else. I am thankful for creation, love affairs, break-ups and heartaches, dance and music, laughter, books, words, warm blankets and heat, a car that drives, makeup and shoes, vintage and new, my dog, hugs, birds and nature, church, silence, noise, beauty in unlikely places, sarcasm and sensitivity, my doctors (primary, dentist, cardiologist, oncologist), therapist, and teachers.
First a vent...
Ok, so I am going to post two of these things today. I am going to get my negative one out of the way first.
I'm a little irritated today. And, maybe it's not just today. But, do you ever get the feeling that people don't really know what they want?
Let's just give an example....Say, someone that was lonely and continuously (or at least frequently complained of loneliness) indicated such in personal conversations. So, what does a friend do? Said friend invites the person to do something. Regularly. And, what does lonely person do? Well of course; they repeatedly decline offers to "hang out", ride with, or have lunch.
Or what about the people who tell you how much they want to hang out with you...yet, they spend as much time telling you how busy they are...Does that mean they are too busy? Or, does it mean you are supposed to be grateful for their time?
I guess it's just me. If I need you to listen...I ask. If I need some time alone, I say so. I don't get the games we play with each other. Ask for what you need, want, request...and then of course the other person isn't obligated. But, they have the opportunity to GIVE. That way, there are is no confusion. And, you don't feel that you are "taking" from the other person more than they wish.
Anyway, that's all on this one. Grr. Just kidding. Be thankful and love each other. My thankful list is coming up next...
I'm a little irritated today. And, maybe it's not just today. But, do you ever get the feeling that people don't really know what they want?
Let's just give an example....Say, someone that was lonely and continuously (or at least frequently complained of loneliness) indicated such in personal conversations. So, what does a friend do? Said friend invites the person to do something. Regularly. And, what does lonely person do? Well of course; they repeatedly decline offers to "hang out", ride with, or have lunch.
Or what about the people who tell you how much they want to hang out with you...yet, they spend as much time telling you how busy they are...Does that mean they are too busy? Or, does it mean you are supposed to be grateful for their time?
I guess it's just me. If I need you to listen...I ask. If I need some time alone, I say so. I don't get the games we play with each other. Ask for what you need, want, request...and then of course the other person isn't obligated. But, they have the opportunity to GIVE. That way, there are is no confusion. And, you don't feel that you are "taking" from the other person more than they wish.
Anyway, that's all on this one. Grr. Just kidding. Be thankful and love each other. My thankful list is coming up next...
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Chasing Life...
Hey there. I'm getting ready for work this morning and have been thinking about a discussion that I was a part of the other day. This whole thing about longevity and the possibility of never aging. I read quite a few of the articles about Dr. Sajay Gupta's new book...appropriately titled Chasing Life. I'm quite fond of Gupta's health care and political lectures regarding the field. But, I've found this concept a little disturbing. Feel free to check it out for yourself. Below is a link to the CNN site for more information.
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/chasing.life/
This is more of a philosophical (perhaps theological as well) discussion today. Does increased longevity and the possibility of evading death impact the value of life itself? I think so. Why are we careful with our children? Why is salvation important? Why believe in God? Why is any situation (almost) sufferable?
I think that the answer to all these questions is the same. Life is transient and temporary at best. Love comes and goes. Pain, loneliness, despair; they too come and go. Happiness and joy? Well, we'd like to make that "stick". But listen, something could happen in a second that makes that all a memory.
My point is...Life has value on all levels because it is transitory. The things that people struggle with are the ones that seem to never end. It's when we are succumbed by the darkness and can't even see the stars through the night. Joy can be sprinkled with sadness. Being "manic" isn't good when it takes over and makes the bipolar individual over spend, party, or live life in excess. But, many times it's what the person craves and inevitably the polarity of it takes over and judgments are skewed.
I just don't think I want to live forever. I mean, seriously? I am kind of looking forward to a nap before the after-life. And, the concept of "forever" here on earth is actually quite frightening to me. I cherish the idea of heaven and getting my old body back (prior to having kids). But also, if this is it. Yikes is all I have to say. I've lived a hundred life-time movies. And, I think that death is the ultimate reset button.
So, no thanks. I will keep my stretch-marks and frown lines. I will take my aches and pains. I will cherish my tears of joy. I will go to the doctor when I am ill or need another heart surgery. But, I will also choose to age and therefore die versus live forever.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Silencing the noise...
This was supposed to be a daily blog. I'm sorry. I am going to consider my original objectives and understand my time limitations and write only when inspiration and time permit.
Some of you know my friend Amy. Those of you who do not well...1-Are missing out on a wonderful, blatantly honest, laugh out loud friend and human being 2-But, if you don't you probably know that she is a sounding board for me. She helps me to find my way when I am lost. She pulls no punches. She'll knock the wind right out of me, if she feels that will help the situation at hand.
I know that Amy knows how important she is to me. I know (as well does she) that she has saved my life literally and figuratively on more than one occasion. She has spoken to my soul and met me in the depths of my very own hell. So, this isn't about praising her. It's about hearing the silence, the calm, the real reason for whatever it is through all the other bull shit.
I was having one of not many, but a few of my panic attacks within the last year regarding finances. I was ready to throw all of my hard work away. I was behind on bills, credit cards, groceries, utilities...AND THEN, I lost my financial aid. I mean seriously, I was at the end of my proverbial rope. So, I call vacillating between hurt and angry. And, she does the Amy thing and from thousands of miles away shakes the shit out of me until I can see the potential solutions.
That's what she does. She silences all the stupid nonsense that gets in my way. She hasn't made me more dependent. In fact; I can nearly shake the shit out of myself when necessary due to Amy's diligence.
She likened my relationships to that of the Vietnam War Dogs. She held me accountable for my poor choices. And, now...I do the same. I evaluate the people that are in my life. I quiet the noise both externally and in my own head.
Those people who suck the life out of you....you know who I am talking about? The ones that take hours of your day to convince they are worthy, or loved, smart, funny, ________(insert whatever here)...they are the ones that detract from doing the real good in life. They are the noise. Saving one person, while noble; is ineffective. Add to that, the people who truly have a need (not just one they is perceived or create) don't do it for attention or notoriety.
The people who NEED all the time and hurt all the time...they are in their own private hell and I don't want to make light of that. The problem lies in that nothing can be fixed from the outside in these circumstances. The passive aggressive, abusive, borderline behaviors...those are internal demons that simply cannot be fixed with another person as a band aid. In fact, in my experience...the problem only gets worse.
For me though, the biggest aha moment (as Oprah would say) was that eliminated or limiting interactions with this scenario of friends, familial, and romantic involvements has made me a better person. NOT helping the one or two people that sucked my soul until it was empty, has allowed me to be a better mother, friend, coworker, student, citizen etc. to countless others. And, while it might feel selfish at the time to let these relationships go...or to allow these individuals to shoulder their own burdens on some level...it's probably more selfish to stay.
Please don't misunderstand my message here. We all deserve love, to share it, to experience, to be loved, and to love others. The problem is that when we allow others to determine our worth and create unlivable situations for us. When we allow the hurts of others to define who we are, to make us somehow less than...When others ask or demand of us a dimming of our light, that is when we will suffer. But, the world will also suffer.
Love one another. But, don't let the noise drag you down. Don't let someone else define your worth. We are all created in God's image. Even Jesus suffered moments of sadness and despair. Life here on earth isn't going to be all rainbows and unicorns. But, there is joy around every corner.
I'm sure that no one will be surprised...But, here's another Maya quote to finish this off...to the point and just my style:
"I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt." Maya Angelou.
I had the great joy of taking a class taught by Ms. Angelou on gender studies and equality. But, as I am redefining who I am, what I am worth, what I will tolerate...this quote speaks to my heart, soul, and intellect all at once. It's a barometer of sorts, like Amy.
Some of you know my friend Amy. Those of you who do not well...1-Are missing out on a wonderful, blatantly honest, laugh out loud friend and human being 2-But, if you don't you probably know that she is a sounding board for me. She helps me to find my way when I am lost. She pulls no punches. She'll knock the wind right out of me, if she feels that will help the situation at hand.
I know that Amy knows how important she is to me. I know (as well does she) that she has saved my life literally and figuratively on more than one occasion. She has spoken to my soul and met me in the depths of my very own hell. So, this isn't about praising her. It's about hearing the silence, the calm, the real reason for whatever it is through all the other bull shit.
I was having one of not many, but a few of my panic attacks within the last year regarding finances. I was ready to throw all of my hard work away. I was behind on bills, credit cards, groceries, utilities...AND THEN, I lost my financial aid. I mean seriously, I was at the end of my proverbial rope. So, I call vacillating between hurt and angry. And, she does the Amy thing and from thousands of miles away shakes the shit out of me until I can see the potential solutions.
That's what she does. She silences all the stupid nonsense that gets in my way. She hasn't made me more dependent. In fact; I can nearly shake the shit out of myself when necessary due to Amy's diligence.
She likened my relationships to that of the Vietnam War Dogs. She held me accountable for my poor choices. And, now...I do the same. I evaluate the people that are in my life. I quiet the noise both externally and in my own head.
Those people who suck the life out of you....you know who I am talking about? The ones that take hours of your day to convince they are worthy, or loved, smart, funny, ________(insert whatever here)...they are the ones that detract from doing the real good in life. They are the noise. Saving one person, while noble; is ineffective. Add to that, the people who truly have a need (not just one they is perceived or create) don't do it for attention or notoriety.
The people who NEED all the time and hurt all the time...they are in their own private hell and I don't want to make light of that. The problem lies in that nothing can be fixed from the outside in these circumstances. The passive aggressive, abusive, borderline behaviors...those are internal demons that simply cannot be fixed with another person as a band aid. In fact, in my experience...the problem only gets worse.
For me though, the biggest aha moment (as Oprah would say) was that eliminated or limiting interactions with this scenario of friends, familial, and romantic involvements has made me a better person. NOT helping the one or two people that sucked my soul until it was empty, has allowed me to be a better mother, friend, coworker, student, citizen etc. to countless others. And, while it might feel selfish at the time to let these relationships go...or to allow these individuals to shoulder their own burdens on some level...it's probably more selfish to stay.
Please don't misunderstand my message here. We all deserve love, to share it, to experience, to be loved, and to love others. The problem is that when we allow others to determine our worth and create unlivable situations for us. When we allow the hurts of others to define who we are, to make us somehow less than...When others ask or demand of us a dimming of our light, that is when we will suffer. But, the world will also suffer.
Love one another. But, don't let the noise drag you down. Don't let someone else define your worth. We are all created in God's image. Even Jesus suffered moments of sadness and despair. Life here on earth isn't going to be all rainbows and unicorns. But, there is joy around every corner.
I'm sure that no one will be surprised...But, here's another Maya quote to finish this off...to the point and just my style:
"I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt." Maya Angelou.
I had the great joy of taking a class taught by Ms. Angelou on gender studies and equality. But, as I am redefining who I am, what I am worth, what I will tolerate...this quote speaks to my heart, soul, and intellect all at once. It's a barometer of sorts, like Amy.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
No Egos Allowed
Had a great experience feeding the hungry. I definitely struggle with the concept of judgment in those situations though. The experience isn't about power for me. It's not..."Hey we have food and you don't...so, we are going to offer it to you." For me, it's the recognition that the homeless, transient, mentally ill, on and on and on...sometimes assert themselves in ways that might be off putting.
But, I feel that the issue there...the aggression or the confrontation is in attempt to take back or feel power. The fact that we have food or homes or cars, housing, jobs etc. doesn't make us more powerful. It simply makes us more obligated.
S
ometimes or quite possibly many times, the voices of people in these situations seem "silly" or don't make sense. But, people really just have a need to be "heard" or listened to. What they are saying may not make sense to us intellectually. Remember, approximately 25% of the homeless population suffers from some sort of mental illness. (I might also suppose that a large part of the general population does as well) But, it's irrelevant that what they are articulating makes sense to us.
Perhaps the gift today wasn't the food. Perhaps the gift today wasn't even to the homeless population in the park. Perhaps the gift was the realization that we all want to be recognized, heard, and connected with. Perhaps the gift wasn't for the homeless at all. Perhaps it was a gift from God that Julia and I (along with some other friends in Christ) were able to identify with human beings that we might not have otherwise met. Could it be possible that the light and teaching was to us?
Living the Truth
I recently had a conversation with a newfound friend regarding the importance of living honestly. For me, I have mostly subscribed to this approach my entire life. However, I feel like a few years ago...perhaps more, and for nearly a decade of my adult life...I quite possibly didn't live as truthfully (or at least where my truth was concerned) as I could have. I befriended people that, to be honest I didn't like very much. I married people who had core values very different from my own. I allowed behaviors at home, work, and at school that were intolerable.
Don't get me wrong. I think we innately should all love one another. From a purely humanistic sense, we are all worthy of love and I have a deeply rooted sense of love for every person that I meet. However, the fear of rejection by others shouldn't mean that we accept the unacceptable in our own lives. One can love something or someone without liking them or tolerating the opposition of morals, values, and divisive differences.
I think for me, the real issue comes down to surrounding oneself with the type of people and relationships that are fulfilling and intentionally thoughtful. It does a disservice to the souls of one's soul and that of others, if we "accidentally" follow a relational path.
Personally, as time permits I have began to reread texts from my earlier studies in philosophy. One that (upon recollection) was truly insightful was from Castaneda's A Separate Reality where he says, "Intent is not a thought, or an object, or a wish. Intent is what can make a man succeed when his thoughts tell him that he is defeated. It operates in spite of the warrior's indulgence. Intent is what makes him invulnerable. Intent is what sends a shaman through a wall, through space, to infinity."
I think living honestly and being true to ourselves allows us to be of better service to those around us as well. If I am "less than" or let someone else imply that I'm too "big" or "bright"...I am a lesser me. If I am a lesser me, I have less to give to others. I'm not saying that we have permission to be db's. I'm simply saying that if someone wants you to be miserable with them, tolerate intolerable acts, be mistreated...that's simply not love. And, it's certainly not what God has in mind for us.
Living honestly also factors into other things. For me, the most impactful change has been that of my financial obligations. I am as most of you know...a little high maintenance. I'm kind of a brand whore. I don't think that I am entirely materialistic...but, I feel that I had the most problem with my identity regarding poverty growing up. It took many years, failed marriages, and the resolve to stay afloat to truly understand why I needed to live more simply.
Don't get my wrong. My closet it still plenty stocked. But, I have almost taken on the life of a recovering addict where "things" are concerned. I don't go to my favorite stores. I don't go on as many vacations. I shop vintage and make gifts instead of allocating funds that I don't have to things that are unnecessary. Certainly I am no expert on turning around my finances. I was able to pay for school this semester only due to a grant and the some very loving, generous friends. I was however able to put food on my table and gas in my car. I also gave away more than a hundred pairs of shoes to an organization that provided shoes for those in need. For those of you who know me, that means that there are still over a hundred pair in my closet. But, it's a start right?
I'm no longer embarrassed to say that I can't afford something or ask for financial assistance. I've come to realize that it's dishonest to pretend that I have resources in which I don't (emotional or financial in nature).
So, if you ask my opinion...I will be honest. If you ask me for assistance...I will do my best. But, I'm finally able to put my "mask on first" as they say.
Don't get me wrong. I think we innately should all love one another. From a purely humanistic sense, we are all worthy of love and I have a deeply rooted sense of love for every person that I meet. However, the fear of rejection by others shouldn't mean that we accept the unacceptable in our own lives. One can love something or someone without liking them or tolerating the opposition of morals, values, and divisive differences.
I think for me, the real issue comes down to surrounding oneself with the type of people and relationships that are fulfilling and intentionally thoughtful. It does a disservice to the souls of one's soul and that of others, if we "accidentally" follow a relational path.
Personally, as time permits I have began to reread texts from my earlier studies in philosophy. One that (upon recollection) was truly insightful was from Castaneda's A Separate Reality where he says, "Intent is not a thought, or an object, or a wish. Intent is what can make a man succeed when his thoughts tell him that he is defeated. It operates in spite of the warrior's indulgence. Intent is what makes him invulnerable. Intent is what sends a shaman through a wall, through space, to infinity."
I think living honestly and being true to ourselves allows us to be of better service to those around us as well. If I am "less than" or let someone else imply that I'm too "big" or "bright"...I am a lesser me. If I am a lesser me, I have less to give to others. I'm not saying that we have permission to be db's. I'm simply saying that if someone wants you to be miserable with them, tolerate intolerable acts, be mistreated...that's simply not love. And, it's certainly not what God has in mind for us.
Living honestly also factors into other things. For me, the most impactful change has been that of my financial obligations. I am as most of you know...a little high maintenance. I'm kind of a brand whore. I don't think that I am entirely materialistic...but, I feel that I had the most problem with my identity regarding poverty growing up. It took many years, failed marriages, and the resolve to stay afloat to truly understand why I needed to live more simply.
Don't get my wrong. My closet it still plenty stocked. But, I have almost taken on the life of a recovering addict where "things" are concerned. I don't go to my favorite stores. I don't go on as many vacations. I shop vintage and make gifts instead of allocating funds that I don't have to things that are unnecessary. Certainly I am no expert on turning around my finances. I was able to pay for school this semester only due to a grant and the some very loving, generous friends. I was however able to put food on my table and gas in my car. I also gave away more than a hundred pairs of shoes to an organization that provided shoes for those in need. For those of you who know me, that means that there are still over a hundred pair in my closet. But, it's a start right?
I'm no longer embarrassed to say that I can't afford something or ask for financial assistance. I've come to realize that it's dishonest to pretend that I have resources in which I don't (emotional or financial in nature).
So, if you ask my opinion...I will be honest. If you ask me for assistance...I will do my best. But, I'm finally able to put my "mask on first" as they say.
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