Life...Let's catch up!

Hey there!  I've missed all of you and I've missed writing.  However, I am doing much more writing than I previously thought myself capable of.  I'm currently taking 15 credit hours at Wake Forest University School of Divinity and working 20 hours a week with a church as the Director of Youth and Children's Ministry.  J is still dancing and B is off to join the military.  The Rev continues pastoring a congregation here in Winston and life is moving at a pace that I wouldn't have thought possible a year ago.

We went to Charleston this summer.  It was our first time and our first time using AirBnB https://www.airbnb.com.  This vacation was perhaps the most refreshing and necessary vacation I have taken in my whole life.  This summer was so short.  I completed a chaplain internship at Baptist Hospital and took a summer course.  It was our family and two wonderful friends of mine.  We stayed at a beautiful condo in Mixon and spent our nights drinking wine on the porch.  I'm so grateful Manda could come from KC.  I have missed so many people...but, J and I miss Manda especially.  She is like a kid sister to me and a big sis to J.  It was truly a vacation for my soul.

Our dogs suffered a major accident a few weeks back.  Penny (our beagle mix) got off the leash.  Eleanor (our husky) followed.  They got onto a major freeway and jumped off an overpass.  For those of you that know J---Eleanor was her dog.  They were best friends and sensitive souls.  Eleanor suffered a pneumothorax and passed away at our home the next day.  She was made comfortable and died near her favorite tree, with her favorite human.  J and a dear friend buried her in the woods, amidst tall trees, and yellow buttercups.  Though she was just 14 months old, we know she was loved and lived life well.

Penny...is another story.  She had a similar injury, but for whatever reason...she recovered almost immediately.  We are still discerning whether or not to re-home her.  We love her, we do!!!  But, we don't have a fence and it is so dangerous if she were to get out on the freeway again.  To be honest, it's surprising that she made it this far.  She gets off the leash all the time...so, here's to a home with an 8 foot privacy fence.

Finally, I wanted to share something that I wrote Wakediv's blog.  I hope you enjoy it...be kind to one another.

Until next time,
M

Check out my Wake Forest Blog!

The girls...church before vacation!

Also, I'm proud to have pledged for All Is Fair In Love and Wear!!! You should too!

Let's be a part of the conversation that allows for evolution, dignity, and grace. 

Best Buds!

The Loss of Moving Forward

Hey friends...it's been a while and I miss you.  Really, I do.  Honestly, sometimes I miss me too.  I'm constantly reflecting and learning about the Divine, the Divine in me, which leads me to see the Divine in others.  I'd love to say all of this is easy and I feel enlightened.  But, most days I feel sick about the injustices and the lack of support for our veteran, homeless, battered, and mentally ill friends.

I did a summer internship and took one 3 hour class.  Not too bad right?  Well, the internship was at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center and the Center boasts one of the best CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education Programs) in the region.  I won't bore you with details and clinical terms, but the first unit of CPE is 10-11 weeks at a full-time + rate.  You pay a fee, and get to work (for free...but really I learned so much, I did get my money's worth) for two months as a chaplain, in an area level I trauma center.

I witnessed births, cancer treatments, spinal injury treatments, mental health evaluations, addiction complications, amputations, and end of life procedures.  My objective was not medical in nature, but offered pastoral care for patients, families, and staff in the clinical setting.  We had about 7 on-call shifts over the ten week period.  This meant that once every 7-10 days we would pack our bags and know that we would not return home for about 30 hours or so.  During the on-call shifts, each individual became the only chaplain after hours at the medical center.

I'm just beginning to unravel what chaplaincy meant for my spiritual formation and vocational discernment.  I do hope that I will be able to pursue a chaplain residency once my MDiv requirements are complete.  So much time is spent processing our own stories and triggers, we were much more able to give and reflect God's love to the patients and their families.

You will have to wait to see and read my Wake Forest School of Divinity blog for a specific patient interaction.  However, I can tell you that there were moments I felt less than equipped to help these families.  End of life is hard, birth is difficult, losing a limb, finding out devastating evaluative answers, it's all difficult material to digest and potentially spiritually damaging.

Once I figured out that my only objective was to provide comfort care (spiritual) and not impose my own theology, even when asked...the relationships bloomed.  I like this verse from 2 Timothy 3:17 "That the one of God may be competent, equipped for every good work."  I could only be competent and do good work, when I knew my strength was from beyond me.

Classes started this Monday.  I miss my people, my structure, my gut check sessions with staff, peers, and supervisors.  I suppose I miss the relationship of the hospital the most.  I knew for the most part where I was needed and what I am walking into.  The dynamics of graduate theological education are filled with tension.  There are friendships that last year at this time, I thought would last  a lifetime.  I have a group of friends now, that I refer to as my people, or the VIP section.  They aren't people I was that close with last year, but I know that they would run into a burning building for me.  These people have become my family.  I didn't choose them, God sat them in front of me and made it so.  So, I'm sad that I made some poor choices.  But, I am full of the grace God has given me to right my direction and surround me with ministers that love me and for whom I love.

God is here...this moment that I shared a good (ok, mediocre movie) with my friend Ski and celebrated the shortest summer ever with some bubbles.  As you will later read, perhaps, bubbles have been a theme during the shortest summer on records.  Maybe that's all I can remember...or maybe there is some sort of theological interpretation centered around bubbles.  Perhaps I will write a book one day...and we can speak to the depth of bubbles in our spiritual lives.

Love each other, it's not always easy, I know.  But, do it anyway.

Can we catch up???

Holy hell! It's been forever since I posted here. I miss you, I think, the idea of you or y'all anyway. 

I would love to catch you up on everything that has changed in our lives over the last nine or ten months. But, that simply isn't possible. However, I'd love to give you a few highlights. 

1-Hey, I am at Wake Forest School of Divinity and I am nearly finished with my first year. I've met some amazing people, colleagues and lifelong friends at Wake Forest. I am blessed to be research assistants to both Fred Bahnson and Dr. Neal Walls. I haven't done much work for Dr. Walls. However, I did help edit more than 5000 photographs from our Israel Pilgrimage (more about that later). Fred Bahnson is director of the Food, Faith, & Religious Leadership Initiative at Wake Forest University School of Divinity. And, I have been blessed to be a part of that program. I've been privileged to serve on SLC, sing with Lift Every Voice, dialogue with various groups, and learn from the most gifted professors and students one could imagine. Finally, I've been accepted to the Dual program of Mdiv/MA in Sustainability. I'd love to go into what that all means, but it means so much. Perhaps the next post I do could be about what my dream vocation might entail. 

2-Julia is in highschool. Holy crap, how did that happen??? She is a freshman pursuing activism and dance. She is active in a ton of organizations and can be seen at many events at WFU. Pretty sure she is going to be on the dance team at school next year too. She is still enjoying ballet and just attended the Hozier concert with a friend in Charlotte. Life is pretty good for her it seems. 

3-Brennan relocated to Winston-Salem in November. And, has moved back to KC already. We miss him terribly and hope that he finds the support he needs doing what he loves in KC. 

4-I took Hebrew and nearly had a nervous breakdown first semester. Biblical languages are hard. But, here I am, six weeks left, and I think I am doing ok. FYI Dr. Clinton Moyer is the professor and he is brilliant...perhaps too brilliant. But, look him up.

5-Ryan is solo pastor at the wonderful First Christian Church in Winston-Salem. It has been a joy to be a part of such a welcoming congregation. We have truly learned what it means to be a neighbor from these wonderful people. 

6-We've traveled a bit...since June...Ryan has been to California, Michigan, and TX. I have been to Nashville, Omaha, and Israel. Together we have been to Kansas City and DC. We are hoping that some of you might come visit us in the summer. We hear there is a really great beach within a couple of hours. 

7-I fully intend on putting something together regarding the Israel Pilgrimage. I'm still processing what the trip meant for me, my call, the church, and my faith. 

Thanks for visiting...sorry to leave everyone hanging for so long. With 28 reflections a semester in History of Christianity, Hebrew vocabulary, Old Testament readings, and other general papers...I've lost track of time. 

Finally, please pray for two people close to me experiencing cancer in their lives. One, is my former mentor and a gift to the culinary world, who has been diagnosed with lymphoma. The second, is a dear friend of mine whose 13 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with leukemia. 

Shalom, 

M

Sunset....Pilgerhaus/Sea of Galilee

I can't even...

I suppose I write this from a different place than most of my writing comes from. Usually, I think I've had some sort of revelation. You know, one in which you've answered a question, or figured something out? Right now, I simply feel drained. I feel that I can't even formulate the words that might come close to articulating this sacred pilgrimage.

I want to share with you the beauty of Israel and the rich culture. I want to share with you the struggles and deepening of relationships, forming new friendships, and learning more about those I barely knew a mere two weeks ago. Some of that is happening, and continues to happen. But, this is persistently difficult, learning from one another, relating to one another when we are tired, hungry, sick, or cold. Did anyone tell you that it snows in Israel? It snows, rains, the winds are treacherous, and we are experiencing it all, here on holy land.

This week we went to Bethlehem. I had a migraine (no Pepsi here and crazy barometric pressure doesn't help), but the anticipation and reality of going to Bethlehem was something I simply couldn't miss. Bethlehem is occupied territory which means that it is Palestinian, but under authority of Israel. I can't begin to go into the complicated nature of the political structure of the West Bank. Realistically, I simply don't want to get into politics.

What I can say is that traveling to Bethlehem was different. We were instructed to bring our passports. That was new, because walking around Jerusalem didn't necessitate the same instruction. Mind you, our IDs were never checked. But, thousands of Palestinians suffer through an evasive process to leave for work (lining up at 5:00 A.M.) and subsequently returning in the evening (also by 5:00 P.M). Palestinians are searched, harassed, and electronically fingerprinted when entering and leaving the occupied territory of Bethlehem. We simply rode a bus with the right license plates and were able to move right along. It felt strange having this much privilege amidst the oppressed and those that were refugees.

I don't want to sound so fatalistic about my experience in Bethlehem. It was beautiful and at one point the weather was entirely schizophrenic. It was snowing/sleeting, windy, and to our right a beautiful hazy rainbow appeared. Additionally, all at once music began to play. We heard a Muslim "Call to Prayer", Jingle Bells in Arabic (ish...ringaling), bagpipes, and percussion. In theory we were all here sharing similar sacred moments. But, it's not that easy. There was an immense amount of military presence including Israeli, Palestinian, and Jordanian. Joy existed, but it also existed among and within an oppressed population.

I chose not to post photos from the refugee camp we visited. The name of the camp is Aida. Rev. Carrie Smith spoke to us tonight and a Palestinian said to her about a pottery class they had and the goal was to sell the product as dishware. The gentlemen said, "I have a problem with dishes that signify the oppression of my people." I didn't take photographs, or at least many at Aida. I felt like a voyeur watching someone else's immense suffering. This is the part of the pilgrimage that became excruciating for me. I want to share a meal, wash some laundry, talk to someone that can change something. But, there is no one and I am not the voice that needs to convene that conversation. There was nothing any of us could do that would make the lives of those families better or easier.

So, at the end of the day...I'm simply left with the same prayer of peace in occupied lands. Because, I still can't even wrap my head around all we've experienced.

Holy One,

I pray for equality, peace and justice in a land and a place that struggles with seeing "the other" as his/her brother/sister. Don't we all have that same struggle in seeing Jesus in the eyes of others? Help us to understand that the art we buy might symbolize the oppression of our new friends. Help us to understand that with great privilege comes greater responsibility. Creator, help us to see that joy you bring and the moments that are right in front of us. March us forward moments when alone, we are incapable. Remind us that even Jesus struggled with doubt, we struggle to find hope here and know that peace and hope can only be of you.

Amen