Totally stole this title. We visited a church a couple of weeks ago. And, though I loved the sermon and took notes on the sermon...I had this nagging other conversation going on in my head. Try as I might, I was either going crazy or praying/conversing with God. Keep in mind, the two ideas are not mutually exclusive. However, I choose door number one.
In life, I think I'm an extrovert. I come from sales and the restaurant business. I'm pretty outgoing...until I am not. I love talking to people. I make friends easily. I genuinely love people. On the flip side, I require loads of space, quiet moments, and alone time. I find many conversations exhausting. Deep listening is an exhausting task if done right. You inevitably have more questions than answers and certainly, rarely a solution. So, the conversation always continues. It is fluid and one with a brain like mine rarely steps off the carousel and is constantly thinking about OPP's...and that somehow I can help. Over the past two years, I have learned many things...I am not an extrovert. I am increasingly more drawn to introversion. At best, I am an omnivert and allow the situation to determine my mode of being. That too is exhausting by the way.
Anyway, I digress...I have a few observations and a bunch of questions from church the other day. I don't think they are unique to me. However, in greater world/justice discussions...my hope is that they are in fact at least a bit relevant.
In a community, family, choir, God's people, should there need to be a competition for who can yell, sing, recite (specifically a unified reading, prayer, or response that all are meant to sound as the voice), chant...etc.??? Should one voice rise above the "Unified" voice? Does a quieter prayer=a less effective prayer? Does a louder, more visibly exercised prayer=better chance of results, or that the individual is somehow a better prayer???
If I want to be loud...like so loud that the person next to me can't hear their own voice...is that not problematic? Do I have an obligation to not only hear my neighbor, but to at the least allow my neighbor to hear him/herself? Is it possible, that the loudness of one individual voice can diminish not only other individual voices, but also the collective voice of a group and their mission??? Isn't the ability to hear (and truly see) one another impacted by the competitions to be seen and heard?
At what point is it necessary to quiet our own voices to hear the voices of others, and in fact YOUR voice in and through them? When we say "Thanks be to God" is it not of value to hear those voices of our brothers and sisters also being thankful? When worship becomes a handful of voices...we diminish the call of others to be there are to be heard as well.
I constantly discuss church as a choir...all voices rubbing, singing, creating this deep rich sound that we would not hear if all were not heard. I am always troubled when the service is much like a bunch of soloists showing us how loud they can say, sing, be...It seems to be one is more about God's people as a whole and the other is about God's people in parts as individuals. Both are necessary. I just want to be able to feel the breath of God when the wind is just a breeze. I want to hear the crack in my neighbors voice because this song made her think of her grandson in Iraq. I want to hear a baby squeal with your joy. And, sometimes...I feel that even I am too loud to hear your whispers. But, I promise to do better.
Peace,
M...
P.S. Next blog will refer to the Easter foot-washing service that our youth will be performing with Artists Helping the Homeless. Contact me if you have any interest in donating new socks, volunteering, or making lunch for the volunteers. Should be a beautiful and moving afternoon.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Sunday, March 9, 2014
To make bread...
Ok, so I need to start this day with an apology. This is a public apology for not reading a book that someone gifted to me last Valentine's Day. I didn't find spiritual/theological books "romantic". So, I shelved it and more than a year later...I picked it up and began reading what seemed like letters to myself/from myself, prayers to God/words from God, and hugely inspirational. So, Ryan...I'm sorry that I was such a jerk. Really.
This crazy life is full of uncertainties. For real. I get it. But, then there are things we (or at least I am) are so very certain of. Like breathing...I need it. I always need to breathe. There is never a moment that breathing becomes unnecessary. Love. Rest. Faith. Food. I put a period and capitalize all of these because individually, each can sustain us. When we don't feel loved, the faith that we are in fact loved can nudge us through a seemingly endless wilderness. When life is too much, a nap can be the holiest of endeavors. And, for my minister friends...the Eucharist (for the rest of us, including me...a simple meal) can be life-saving. Those of you that know me or have read this blog, know how important food is to me. But, the journey of the last two years and mostly the last eighteen months has definitively shown me that my story is so connected to God's story.
Back to the book...I'm going to include the two quotes that made me sigh out loud. Yes.
1-“To make bread or love, to dig in the earth, to feed an animal or cook for a stranger—these activities require no extensive commentary, no lucid theology. All they require is someone willing to bend, reach, chop, stir. Most of these tasks are so full of pleasure that there is no need to complicate things by calling them holy. And yet these are the same activities that change lives, sometimes all at once and sometimes more slowly, the way dripping water changes stone. In a world where faith is often construed as a way of thinking, bodily practices remind the willing that faith is a way of life.”
― Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith
A couple of things...I often get into a debate with a minister regarding the church. That the church is somehow separate from life, the world, material things. And, while to a certain extent, I will buy that. I don't believe that we need to overcomplicate the space of worship with tweeting, Facebook, gadgets, and iPads...I do believe that service, faith, and love are all actionable affairs. If we simply talk about doing, propose change, and discuss our love for one another...is it real? We can see the tree that exists and the hole left when it's uprooted. We can see scars left from abusive relationships. We see the shivering bodies in the cold when they have no home to warm them. So, to simply watch others do service and "manage" teams is perhaps more harmful than it seems. Feeding others, washing the feet of our friends, wrapping them in a warm blanket is not only symbolic of our faith and love...it is in fact the faith and love itself.
The bigger question is, what keeps us from acting? What keeps us from seeing each other and loving a stranger? I wonder if it's that in seeing the Other, might that make us more visible? Do we really want to be seen, or are we afraid?
2-“Wisdom is not gained by knowing what is right. Wisdom is gained by practicing what is right, and noticing what happens when that practice succeeds and when it fails.”
― Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith
Scary stuff. How important is it to "know" that the recipe for something will turn out? I'd like everything to work. Realistically, it's not how I operate. I know what flavors work together for the most part. And, sometimes the end result is an epic fail. But, what fun it is to rummage through my pantry and create a meal out of what we have.
I think for me that's what life has become, digging deep in my personal arsenal or pantry from which to give and offering it all up to whomever sits, stands, weeps in front of me. Then, surrounding myself with people who do the same. Some days we are all a hot mess, laying in ruins together. But, most days someone has the wherewithal to lift us up and we are able to take turns.
One of the best memories I have of food, love, and service was on a recent trip to New Orleans. My dear friend Manda and I traveled to New Orleans for a weekend. It was a quick trip and symbolic of some big changes in both of our lives. She had never been and I was visiting a placed beloved to me and so many others with different lenses. But, an old friend from school lives and works on a farm outside of the city. She works with amazing chefs and restaurateurs. So, we got the "industry", "I know the chef" treatment when we went out to dinner. I remember Manda so vividly saying how "full" she was after eleven courses and two bottles of wine. But, she kept trying new things and "eating the love". Manda is like 90 pounds, so there is no concern of gaining weight. Obviously, the rest of us have that to contend with. But, what a beautiful experience to "be loved" in a restaurant. My friend Jo is loved by the food community in New Orleans. And, by extension Manda and I were loved and served in such a way.
So back to that bread...errr Eucharist. I think feeding is a lost art. Those that do it well, do it with love and true vision. So, see each other, love each other, and feed each other...perhaps then, we can start to undo some of the damage we have done to one another and this earth. Today, all I am focusing on is seeing those around me and maybe in seeing them...I can see a piece of myself. But, I know I will definitely see pieces of God all around me.
This crazy life is full of uncertainties. For real. I get it. But, then there are things we (or at least I am) are so very certain of. Like breathing...I need it. I always need to breathe. There is never a moment that breathing becomes unnecessary. Love. Rest. Faith. Food. I put a period and capitalize all of these because individually, each can sustain us. When we don't feel loved, the faith that we are in fact loved can nudge us through a seemingly endless wilderness. When life is too much, a nap can be the holiest of endeavors. And, for my minister friends...the Eucharist (for the rest of us, including me...a simple meal) can be life-saving. Those of you that know me or have read this blog, know how important food is to me. But, the journey of the last two years and mostly the last eighteen months has definitively shown me that my story is so connected to God's story.
Back to the book...I'm going to include the two quotes that made me sigh out loud. Yes.
1-“To make bread or love, to dig in the earth, to feed an animal or cook for a stranger—these activities require no extensive commentary, no lucid theology. All they require is someone willing to bend, reach, chop, stir. Most of these tasks are so full of pleasure that there is no need to complicate things by calling them holy. And yet these are the same activities that change lives, sometimes all at once and sometimes more slowly, the way dripping water changes stone. In a world where faith is often construed as a way of thinking, bodily practices remind the willing that faith is a way of life.”
― Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith
A couple of things...I often get into a debate with a minister regarding the church. That the church is somehow separate from life, the world, material things. And, while to a certain extent, I will buy that. I don't believe that we need to overcomplicate the space of worship with tweeting, Facebook, gadgets, and iPads...I do believe that service, faith, and love are all actionable affairs. If we simply talk about doing, propose change, and discuss our love for one another...is it real? We can see the tree that exists and the hole left when it's uprooted. We can see scars left from abusive relationships. We see the shivering bodies in the cold when they have no home to warm them. So, to simply watch others do service and "manage" teams is perhaps more harmful than it seems. Feeding others, washing the feet of our friends, wrapping them in a warm blanket is not only symbolic of our faith and love...it is in fact the faith and love itself.
The bigger question is, what keeps us from acting? What keeps us from seeing each other and loving a stranger? I wonder if it's that in seeing the Other, might that make us more visible? Do we really want to be seen, or are we afraid?
2-“Wisdom is not gained by knowing what is right. Wisdom is gained by practicing what is right, and noticing what happens when that practice succeeds and when it fails.”
― Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith
Scary stuff. How important is it to "know" that the recipe for something will turn out? I'd like everything to work. Realistically, it's not how I operate. I know what flavors work together for the most part. And, sometimes the end result is an epic fail. But, what fun it is to rummage through my pantry and create a meal out of what we have.
I think for me that's what life has become, digging deep in my personal arsenal or pantry from which to give and offering it all up to whomever sits, stands, weeps in front of me. Then, surrounding myself with people who do the same. Some days we are all a hot mess, laying in ruins together. But, most days someone has the wherewithal to lift us up and we are able to take turns.
One of the best memories I have of food, love, and service was on a recent trip to New Orleans. My dear friend Manda and I traveled to New Orleans for a weekend. It was a quick trip and symbolic of some big changes in both of our lives. She had never been and I was visiting a placed beloved to me and so many others with different lenses. But, an old friend from school lives and works on a farm outside of the city. She works with amazing chefs and restaurateurs. So, we got the "industry", "I know the chef" treatment when we went out to dinner. I remember Manda so vividly saying how "full" she was after eleven courses and two bottles of wine. But, she kept trying new things and "eating the love". Manda is like 90 pounds, so there is no concern of gaining weight. Obviously, the rest of us have that to contend with. But, what a beautiful experience to "be loved" in a restaurant. My friend Jo is loved by the food community in New Orleans. And, by extension Manda and I were loved and served in such a way.
So back to that bread...errr Eucharist. I think feeding is a lost art. Those that do it well, do it with love and true vision. So, see each other, love each other, and feed each other...perhaps then, we can start to undo some of the damage we have done to one another and this earth. Today, all I am focusing on is seeing those around me and maybe in seeing them...I can see a piece of myself. But, I know I will definitely see pieces of God all around me.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Lent
I'm posting my Lent post. I've had some requests...
Taking this Ash Wednesday to reflect on the "ashes" in my own life and the ashes that I came out of. Lent for me it is not about giving up something I have, am, or desire. It's about realizing the perspective of change and the transitory nature of all life. That everything is temporary. The hurt felt last night, is not permanent. The joy of a laugh with loved ones should be cherished, because life too is impermanent. Through grace (and only grace, because none are perfect), we can rise above, live on, and love through anything...because we are loved and we are each a fragment of God and each other. Though I will not be in attendance this evening for services, I recognize the impact of today and carry it with me. Here's to finding our piece of peace today, pushing through this holy time.
Trying to find my piece of peace today, as I realize that I don't have a day off until next Friday.
Peace,
M
Taking this Ash Wednesday to reflect on the "ashes" in my own life and the ashes that I came out of. Lent for me it is not about giving up something I have, am, or desire. It's about realizing the perspective of change and the transitory nature of all life. That everything is temporary. The hurt felt last night, is not permanent. The joy of a laugh with loved ones should be cherished, because life too is impermanent. Through grace (and only grace, because none are perfect), we can rise above, live on, and love through anything...because we are loved and we are each a fragment of God and each other. Though I will not be in attendance this evening for services, I recognize the impact of today and carry it with me. Here's to finding our piece of peace today, pushing through this holy time.
Trying to find my piece of peace today, as I realize that I don't have a day off until next Friday.
Peace,
M
Monday, March 3, 2014
One more moment
This weekend has been interesting. I'm definitely not in the best shape physically. I've put on about 5 lbs since the marathon. And, I've injured my back pretty significantly at work.
But, this weekend was pretty fantastic with my kids. I mean really, it's the tiniest of things that make the difference. Bren worked much of the weekend. And, when I had to discipline him regarding his room...he worked on it and didn't lose his mind. I mean he was pissed and slammed a couple of doors. But...that was it? Yup. Wow, I'll take it.
And, though Julia is driving me nuts with her yoga pants, too much make up, short skirts, and chucks...she was my little girl at least twice this weekend. Once was watching a movie. We were giggling and throwing licorice at each other. She went to the bathroom and said..."Hey mom, guess what I found in my panties??? (knowing I hate that word)". Then, yesterday it was similar. We napped together and the room was freezing. So, we put our cold hands on each other and giggled. During the Oscars she bet on every award. And, this child of mine got nearly all of them spot on, except the shorts and documentaries. She says..."I have no interest in those."
It flies by so fast. I just wish I could be in those moments for just a second longer. I wish I could breathe in the giggles or the sarcasm (Bren). Because what fuel it is, because soon the house will be quiet. So, when you ask me why I don't work in restaurants any longer...this is why. I am so grateful to be able to stretch this year out as long as I can.
Peace,
M
But, this weekend was pretty fantastic with my kids. I mean really, it's the tiniest of things that make the difference. Bren worked much of the weekend. And, when I had to discipline him regarding his room...he worked on it and didn't lose his mind. I mean he was pissed and slammed a couple of doors. But...that was it? Yup. Wow, I'll take it.
And, though Julia is driving me nuts with her yoga pants, too much make up, short skirts, and chucks...she was my little girl at least twice this weekend. Once was watching a movie. We were giggling and throwing licorice at each other. She went to the bathroom and said..."Hey mom, guess what I found in my panties??? (knowing I hate that word)". Then, yesterday it was similar. We napped together and the room was freezing. So, we put our cold hands on each other and giggled. During the Oscars she bet on every award. And, this child of mine got nearly all of them spot on, except the shorts and documentaries. She says..."I have no interest in those."
It flies by so fast. I just wish I could be in those moments for just a second longer. I wish I could breathe in the giggles or the sarcasm (Bren). Because what fuel it is, because soon the house will be quiet. So, when you ask me why I don't work in restaurants any longer...this is why. I am so grateful to be able to stretch this year out as long as I can.
Peace,
M
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Family and Loss
I'm not going to lie...it was difficult getting up this morning. My back is aching, I have a migraine due to icky barometric changes, and the prospect of rising to attend a funeral on this blustery day...did not sound like any fun.
But, I am nothing if not obligated to the people I love and whom love me. And, while the funeral had nothing to do with me (other than by friendship and professional relationships), it impacted me so profoundly.
I think the biggest thing going into today was how foreign watching someone lose a parent is to me. In fact (don't judge me!!!), I would barter with the life of my own mother for most people. If God himself came down with such an offer, you can bet that I would exclaim "Sold!" Because, you clearly have something with your loved one that I never experienced. But, it doesn't work like that and for that, I'm truly sorry. I wish it did.
Though I ache for them, my friends in their loss. Today was beautiful. I say this because, this funeral, celebration of life, sermon, and fellowship...filled a space that I didn't know was missing. The music came from souls and emotion that ran so deep. The tears flowed. But, so did the laughter. There were babies illustrating new life amidst this loss.
Most of all this family, amidst their loss; shared their love with us. They shared with us what it was like to always have enough (enough food, enough love, enough laughter) in a family with 11 children!!! As a struggling mother of two, I have always struggled to provide. And, here in this moment of loss...this family reminded me that in their family, there was always enough. Always. Ryan, Julia and I stopped by the home where the repast was hosted post service. We were greeted by many. We were offered food and drink, love, and friendship from those we'd barely just met. I thought we were there to console them, yet they were in fact ministering to us.
I wept during the service when a beautiful woman spoke of how she didn't know what family was until she was invited into this particular family. I don't have 11 siblings. I don't have a mother or a father. But, I can truly say that I know what family feels like. And, though I know my friends will miss both of their parents moment to moment, day to day, breath to breath...they will also feel a love that is beyond death and not of this world.
But, I am nothing if not obligated to the people I love and whom love me. And, while the funeral had nothing to do with me (other than by friendship and professional relationships), it impacted me so profoundly.
I think the biggest thing going into today was how foreign watching someone lose a parent is to me. In fact (don't judge me!!!), I would barter with the life of my own mother for most people. If God himself came down with such an offer, you can bet that I would exclaim "Sold!" Because, you clearly have something with your loved one that I never experienced. But, it doesn't work like that and for that, I'm truly sorry. I wish it did.
Though I ache for them, my friends in their loss. Today was beautiful. I say this because, this funeral, celebration of life, sermon, and fellowship...filled a space that I didn't know was missing. The music came from souls and emotion that ran so deep. The tears flowed. But, so did the laughter. There were babies illustrating new life amidst this loss.
Most of all this family, amidst their loss; shared their love with us. They shared with us what it was like to always have enough (enough food, enough love, enough laughter) in a family with 11 children!!! As a struggling mother of two, I have always struggled to provide. And, here in this moment of loss...this family reminded me that in their family, there was always enough. Always. Ryan, Julia and I stopped by the home where the repast was hosted post service. We were greeted by many. We were offered food and drink, love, and friendship from those we'd barely just met. I thought we were there to console them, yet they were in fact ministering to us.
I wept during the service when a beautiful woman spoke of how she didn't know what family was until she was invited into this particular family. I don't have 11 siblings. I don't have a mother or a father. But, I can truly say that I know what family feels like. And, though I know my friends will miss both of their parents moment to moment, day to day, breath to breath...they will also feel a love that is beyond death and not of this world.
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