So, I was asked the other day (again) about my tattoos. I think the question was something about what my reason for getting them is...I don't recall the exact question. But, it was a good conversation. I think it made sense and I think we came to an interesting place about each other.
First, I want to voice an opinion. I believe that if you have to ask my opinion on whether or not you should get a permanent piece of artwork on your body, the answer is easy. Not only no...But, hella no. If you have to ask me what you should get...the answer is simple...NOTHING!
Tattoos and body art are incredibly personal. I don't subscribe to the trendiness of it. I also don't have a problem with your lack of tattoos. If you find it necessary to be some "hip" version of yourself...awesome. I just don't think that it should be something permanent and socially pressured.
For me, tattoos are a way to make the pain and sadness of life beautiful. (I have one crappy piece that needs love and a cover-up. But, let's make that the exception...not the rule.) Shitty things happen to us. And, somehow we manage to get to the other side. We are naked and abused. We go hungry. We thirst for love and walk through this life carrying a pretty heavy load. For me, nothing beautiful has happened without pain or suffering preempting it.
The weather is beautiful today. I mean it's perfect. The sun in shining, it's in the 70's. There is a slight breeze and you can smell the scents of cut grass and someone must be barbecuing. But, it has been cold and rainy for what feels like an eternity. The memory of the dark and gloomy weather almost makes today more perfect. It provides a context and a perspective.
So, if you look at the blossoms on my arm or the butterflies on my feet...remember that they are a reminder. They remind me of the pain and loss. But, they also remind me that there are days like today. They remind me that in an moment, an hour, a week...this pain, irritation, frustration, etc. will be replaced with a rainbow, a butterfly, snuggle, resurrection, or giggle.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
God's Sense of Humor
It's been a harsh couple of weeks. Truly, I have determined that God must have a sense of humor. He (or if you believe she) has been witness to some awesomely inspiring and equally devastatingly tragic moments as well. But, here's the deal: I have no control. You can call me at three in the morning...I can't pray your tragedy away. I can't heal your pain. My heart will break with yours and there is nothing I can do about it. But, I will love you through your pain. I will cry with you. I will shed tears of pain and suffering. However...wait for it...I will shout screams of joy and high five you from unimaginable distances when anything merits even the slightest celebration. I will bring you chocolate (or lemon bars) when you need cheering up. I will sing "Soft Kitty" or "Please Don't Go" just because you will laugh. I will share my cupcakes or adult beverage with you whether it is because we are celebrating your new ----------(job, car, birthday, or "whew, you dodged a bullet moment), or that you need a simple distraction from whatever pain, hurt, anger, insert unfair nonsense moment.
I will get mad with you. When God says "Psych"...what you thought was good, really, really, really...in fact, you do not. Your health...oops, my bad. Your job? Hey, they are going to eliminate your position. That school you wanted to get into...they aren't that into you. But, I will also breathe a sigh of relief with you when you find out that what you thought was tragic and terminal (literally or figuratively) isn't. I will jump up and down when we are broke and find some vintage, can't live without, piece of something or other for 99 cents at the "Thrift Shop". I will celebrate your accidental pregnancy when you can't. Because, I was "gifted" with many accidental blessings. I will love you amidst your awesome mistakes. I will see how cool your new "choices" are in this "Choose Your Own Adventure" book of life that we are living.
But...God...Hey are your listening (God that is)? It's hard. It's hard to feel. It's so heavy. It's so difficult to really "feel" the struggles of others. In fact, joy is sometimes as arduous. I mean with so much pain and suffering...How does one celebrate? How do we celebrate a bite of heaven, a sip of Pepsi in a sea of Southern Coke, a new pair of shoes, a compliment, a good morning with the kids...how do we celebrate these "little" nothing of moments when there is hunger, injustice, death, destruction, backaches, racism, and broken hearts? We do it because without those tiny..."Hey, that construction worker winked at me" moments...the pain would be to much. Our "to do", "fix the world" list would be far too daunting. So...those joy filled moments allow us to breathe and gather our wits. That giggle...or laugh until the tears come moment, pokes just enough holes in the dark for us to just "keep swimming".
So, I will trust God to know when I have had enough. I will trust him (or her) to inspire me with a silly joke that my friend needs or a song that will make him laugh. I will trust that God will say..."OK, it's not that bad...I was kidding. Your mom's O.K. I know your cup is full."
I will also point out that I don't think the joke is funny!!! Maybe I will get it next time. But, today...not funny and I am pissed.
I will get mad with you. When God says "Psych"...what you thought was good, really, really, really...in fact, you do not. Your health...oops, my bad. Your job? Hey, they are going to eliminate your position. That school you wanted to get into...they aren't that into you. But, I will also breathe a sigh of relief with you when you find out that what you thought was tragic and terminal (literally or figuratively) isn't. I will jump up and down when we are broke and find some vintage, can't live without, piece of something or other for 99 cents at the "Thrift Shop". I will celebrate your accidental pregnancy when you can't. Because, I was "gifted" with many accidental blessings. I will love you amidst your awesome mistakes. I will see how cool your new "choices" are in this "Choose Your Own Adventure" book of life that we are living.
But...God...Hey are your listening (God that is)? It's hard. It's hard to feel. It's so heavy. It's so difficult to really "feel" the struggles of others. In fact, joy is sometimes as arduous. I mean with so much pain and suffering...How does one celebrate? How do we celebrate a bite of heaven, a sip of Pepsi in a sea of Southern Coke, a new pair of shoes, a compliment, a good morning with the kids...how do we celebrate these "little" nothing of moments when there is hunger, injustice, death, destruction, backaches, racism, and broken hearts? We do it because without those tiny..."Hey, that construction worker winked at me" moments...the pain would be to much. Our "to do", "fix the world" list would be far too daunting. So...those joy filled moments allow us to breathe and gather our wits. That giggle...or laugh until the tears come moment, pokes just enough holes in the dark for us to just "keep swimming".
So, I will trust God to know when I have had enough. I will trust him (or her) to inspire me with a silly joke that my friend needs or a song that will make him laugh. I will trust that God will say..."OK, it's not that bad...I was kidding. Your mom's O.K. I know your cup is full."
I will also point out that I don't think the joke is funny!!! Maybe I will get it next time. But, today...not funny and I am pissed.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Still writing...
Ok, so maybe I've changed my mind about this blog. It keeps calling me back. Maybe it's my "Egypt". It's unfinished. But, won't it always be? Aren't we all? Unfinished that is...
Anyway, it's been a rough couple of weeks. I took a "time out" from Facebook. One would have thought it was crack. Because, I had impulses, withdrawals, and persistent compulsive thoughts about checking/not checking it. But, it was good timing. I missed much of the ignorant arguments about race, gender, marriage, rape...I didn't miss them per se. But, I was unaware for the most part. And, that was an incredibly blissful gift.
I had another medical procedure. Let me say...taking care of myself is time consuming. But, I'm pretty confident that the value overrides my irritation. But, having a procedure during a busy work-week, amidst civic obligations was pretty frustrating. If you are feeling charitable...please support my friend Liz and I and donate to our Heartwalk team.
http://heartwalk.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1033009&supId=379109754&msource=CHIODOFB
My son and I catered a wonderful dinner for our congregation. It was a pseudo-Seder-Passover-Lent-Tenebrae-Ish service. We had a wonderful friend come help for service. But, all the food cooking, menu, prepping was done via the two of us. I mean seriously? My son (16 btw) and I cooked for 120 people. And, we didn't kill each other or come to major blows. How cool is that? If that doesn't reinforce faith in God and that anything is possible, what will? I am blessed and proud of us both. But, I am so very proud of my kiddo. He was professional and calm, exhibited and incredible work ethic, and created a wonderful meal.
I might be writing today more for myself, than for it to be read. Thanks for reading though...and it's still a blessing and a gift. I suppose today, I'm more just praying. I'm so very thankful for this life. I'm thankful for the gifts and the struggles. I feel God's presence in a way that is undeniable. God gives us courage to do what's scary. That voice that tells us to stand up for what is right, when the potential for loss is great...some of us call it our "gut" or intuition. I simply say thanks. Thank you God for my voice. Thank you God for allowing me to stand up for a business decision or a friend who has no one to stand up for him/her. But, moreover...Thank you for giving me the courage to stand up for myself. Thank you for allowing me to see that when I choose myself...it's not me diminishing the rights of others. But, allowing your light and grace to shine through me. The emotions and traumas of others deserve respect and dignity. But, they should not dictate our emotions or actions. Nor should they be validation for abusive behavior.
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
― Mother Teresa
I read this quote every morning. It feeds me. Mother Theresa reminds me that though I am a BIG personality, rough around the edges, as a friend says "A straight shooter"...I am obligated to love, do what is right, good, fair, and kind in regards to others...But, I am also obligated to do what is right, good, fair, and kind in regards to myself.
Also...it is National Autism Awareness Month...
Having a son on the spectrum this issue is close to my heart.
Light it Blue!
For more information visit:
http://www.autismspeaks.org/
Peace,
M
Anyway, it's been a rough couple of weeks. I took a "time out" from Facebook. One would have thought it was crack. Because, I had impulses, withdrawals, and persistent compulsive thoughts about checking/not checking it. But, it was good timing. I missed much of the ignorant arguments about race, gender, marriage, rape...I didn't miss them per se. But, I was unaware for the most part. And, that was an incredibly blissful gift.
I had another medical procedure. Let me say...taking care of myself is time consuming. But, I'm pretty confident that the value overrides my irritation. But, having a procedure during a busy work-week, amidst civic obligations was pretty frustrating. If you are feeling charitable...please support my friend Liz and I and donate to our Heartwalk team.
http://heartwalk.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1033009&supId=379109754&msource=CHIODOFB
My son and I catered a wonderful dinner for our congregation. It was a pseudo-Seder-Passover-Lent-Tenebrae-Ish service. We had a wonderful friend come help for service. But, all the food cooking, menu, prepping was done via the two of us. I mean seriously? My son (16 btw) and I cooked for 120 people. And, we didn't kill each other or come to major blows. How cool is that? If that doesn't reinforce faith in God and that anything is possible, what will? I am blessed and proud of us both. But, I am so very proud of my kiddo. He was professional and calm, exhibited and incredible work ethic, and created a wonderful meal.
I might be writing today more for myself, than for it to be read. Thanks for reading though...and it's still a blessing and a gift. I suppose today, I'm more just praying. I'm so very thankful for this life. I'm thankful for the gifts and the struggles. I feel God's presence in a way that is undeniable. God gives us courage to do what's scary. That voice that tells us to stand up for what is right, when the potential for loss is great...some of us call it our "gut" or intuition. I simply say thanks. Thank you God for my voice. Thank you God for allowing me to stand up for a business decision or a friend who has no one to stand up for him/her. But, moreover...Thank you for giving me the courage to stand up for myself. Thank you for allowing me to see that when I choose myself...it's not me diminishing the rights of others. But, allowing your light and grace to shine through me. The emotions and traumas of others deserve respect and dignity. But, they should not dictate our emotions or actions. Nor should they be validation for abusive behavior.
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
― Mother Teresa
I read this quote every morning. It feeds me. Mother Theresa reminds me that though I am a BIG personality, rough around the edges, as a friend says "A straight shooter"...I am obligated to love, do what is right, good, fair, and kind in regards to others...But, I am also obligated to do what is right, good, fair, and kind in regards to myself.
Also...it is National Autism Awareness Month...
Having a son on the spectrum this issue is close to my heart.
Light it Blue!
For more information visit:
http://www.autismspeaks.org/
Peace,
M
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