The meaning of words...

I think people take big words and use them in miniscule situations. Like the word survive. Huge right? I am going to use the definition of: to continue in existence or use after (a passage of time, an adversity, etc.). I struggle. Because my cup might hold more or less than someone else's. I might be able to tolerate something better or worse than say you for example. 

Aha, tolerate...that's a better word. I tolerated that test, vaccination, afternoon with my grandmother. But, to say that I survived it...hmmm. That to me is more of a war situation. Like, I survived cancer...I did by the way, twice. Or, I survived being shot five times. Nope, thank God that is one situation that I haven't had to face. But, to say I survived the first day of school? How is that even an option? Was there an option of not surviving, say dying at the end or during the process? 

I don't know. I just think words have meaning. When someone says "I don't know how you do it". I start to take a step back...before, I'd get defensive. But, what they really mean...is they don't understand. And, it's really an "awe" kind of thing. For me, I took it as a judgement or a criticism, or even a prediction of failure. But, it isn't. It's like when I go to a Cirque du Soleil show and I sit in wonderment watching the performance. I really don't fathom how the performers summoned the strength to lift, carry, be flexible enough to do whatever they do day in and day out. And, when my girlfriend tells me that she doesn't know how I do it...she means it.

I would argue that words have meaning and they are inherent to us all. But, not always. Perhaps surviving is really what it's all about. Perhaps that somedays just getting out of bed is a struggle. God knows I have been there. I think that quite possibly we all are capable of different things. And, as I get older...the shades of gray (no relevance to the writings) seem to be more and more plausible than the black and white scenarios of my past.

So, when my friend tells me next month that she doesn't know how I do it...I'm going to do my best to not be snarky with her. And, for those of you that know me personally...in my head it goes like this usually..."I do it because I don't have a choice. I do it because, failing isn't an option. I do it because there is no one to bail me out. I do it because I am ready for a better life and the only way I am going to get there is through this short term nonsense." I am going to say..."Thank you for recognizing that it has been difficult for me. Thanks for seeing me through all of this."