New Year's Eve

I haven't posted much lately. I'm OK with that. Hopefully you are too.

It's been a rough year. I have made new friends and lost some dear old ones. I have lost relationships and began again. Friends have lost loved ones and experienced more heartache than imaginable. I have been disappointed in myself and others.

But, I have also experienced life in a way that has been transformed at the least. I have learned to love people at their worst. I have both been fed by others and helped to feed and clothe my brothers and sisters.

This year has been full of loss, emptiness, and despair. But, it has also filled me with love, compassion, and openness in a way that only loss, pain, heartache, and sorrow can give. This year, my failures are many. Yet, my successes (while maybe not as quantifiable) are spiritually and worldly significant.

I wasn't planning on attending church today. In fact, I was kind of annoyed at the prospect of going at noon. I mean seriously? Really. Who goes to church at noon at New Year's Eve anyway? No matter what I did to busy myself...I felt a push.

I hate being pushed. I grit my teeth when told what to do. But today, I gave up and relinquished my type A control and need to organize. I begrudgingly got dressed, cleaned off my car, and drove (in the snow) to the Plaza. Mind you, I checked around to see if any other service would do. I looked online and even made a couple of phone calls. To my irritation, other than mass, there seemed to be no other NYE services at noon.

I was still annoyed when I sat down in the pew. In fact, I was annoyed (no offense Bob if you stumble upon this) still when the minister spoke of the mediocrity of the song that was played as the welcome music. See, the pianist was playing a lovely rendition of "Auld Lang Syne". I get it. It's cliche. But, I have a guilty love affair with Robert Burns' fairytale of possibility.

But, I digress...So, here I am. Annoyed. But, in this space that is quiet and still, sad and remembering, smart and silly...all at the same time. This space, this quiet chapel, usually makes me claustrophobic. But, today...amidst stories of loss, love, peace, hope and possibility...today I could breathe. Today, I could hear. Today, God directed the show. And, he played Beatles music and provided angels.

So, Happy New Year! And, may you have a day filled with as much of what you need as today was for me.