Hebrews 12:11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
You can't say "uncle", you don't get re-do's, you don't get the blessing of grace...because to them, you should know. You should know what they need, you should know how to protect them (when you barely know how to protect yourself), you should be able to fix things in the past, present, and future.
Perhaps the most difficult part of all is that, as parents...our flaws are exposed...ALL the time. We stand "naked" in front of them as we lash out because we've had a long day, week, life...they say they hate us, with their limited vocabulary...because they know it's safe. But, it hurts...it cuts, it stings and we punish them.
I had a heated heart-to-heart with my son last night who was grieving the relationship (or lack thereof) with his late father. I tried to explain to him that his father did the best he could. My son was so angry, tears streaming down his face. He said simply (pulling his hair), "it wasn't good enough." I continued to explain, that as parents we try to do better than our parents. Obviously, this is from a perspective of someone with a less than stellar childhood. And, that some days all we can do is show up. This further pointed out that his father didn't "show up". WTH? Why did I say that?
All I'm saying is this is so f-ing hard. This seeing them struggle, this mortality of parenting, this constant thing that is more innate than breathing itself. I can't imagine my life without them...I don't know who I would be. I'm so grateful for them and the person I've become because of them. We are all much older than pictured, literally and figuratively. One is graduating, one is going to off to High School, and the other is still trying to put one foot in front of the other...
Peace,
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