Today was non eventful. It was cold, icy, and snowy. So, we took a much needed "snow day". It was warm and safe and we watched Madea movies and marathon sessions of Nip/Tuck. It was a pretty perfect day that included fuzzy socks and cookies baked last night for those we love...sorry if we ate yours...mostly.
And then...it hits like a Mac Truck...my sister's Facebook page. It's not her fault. It's just more than I can begin to explain. The ghost of my past...her father, my demon, the monster in my closet...made a tiny comment on one of her posts. I hadn't seen or heard him in what feels like a hundred years...and that one comment brought it all back. I can't explain the panic, the dread, the fear, the anger, the flood of emotion that comes back when I saw his picture. And, though he's aged and quite possibly harmless...I would cross the street and instruct my children to do the same if they saw him.
My sister and I are not close. We haven't spoken on the phone in years. But, she is my sister. And, when I messaged her...she was kind and immediately offered to "unfriend" him. That may not seem like much. But, a few years ago there was an investigation into some abuse in my home town and including members of her family...and she made it clear that she didn't want me to involve her father in the process..."He's old and sick," she said. That was a moment that I was unsure that I could recover from. But, today...this breath...this conversation has changed that...though not entirely...substantially for me anyway.
Thank you for allowing my sister to see me...
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