There's never enough time...

It hits me like a brick today....My son is 17 and graduating in May. Did you hear me? May.

First of all, I am far too young to have a kid graduating from High School. I have tattoos and get my hair colored. I read current events. I don't watch the weather channel. I keep up on music and watch awards shows. I AM NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR THIS.

But, it was seriously yesterday that he was speaking his first word. There are conflicting stories as to what it was. I swear it was "cookie". A certain grandmother vehemently swears it was "girl". I was barely twenty when he was born. Now, I'm nearing forty. Shit...I'm so old. I mean for real old...My twenty-year-old self wouldn't recognize me. "B" has grown up. He's lost teeth, learned many words (some I don't like him to say), grown about 1000 times his height, created, learned, stumbled, climbed...he's more of a man than my little boy. When I was 20...40 seemed so far away. But, now that I'm almost 40...20 seems like yesterday.

Today, I'm reading the details of college applications instead of Winnie the Pooh or Blue's Clues books. There isn't enough time. Today, I'm checking grades, curfew, his work schedule...instead of giggling and playing. There isn't time for that. Today, we go to orthodontists, counseling appointments, and the DMV...at 20 it was Happy Meals and play-dates...for both of us. Now, it's jobs (for both of us too) and school (x2)...there isn't enough time for books, movies, play dates, or Happy Meals.

I miss him already...soon he will be living his own life. But, tonight there is time to tell him I love him, I'm so very proud of him, and there is only the time we have right now...this moment.