I can't even...

I suppose I write this from a different place than most of my writing comes from. Usually, I think I've had some sort of revelation. You know, one in which you've answered a question, or figured something out? Right now, I simply feel drained. I feel that I can't even formulate the words that might come close to articulating this sacred pilgrimage.

I want to share with you the beauty of Israel and the rich culture. I want to share with you the struggles and deepening of relationships, forming new friendships, and learning more about those I barely knew a mere two weeks ago. Some of that is happening, and continues to happen. But, this is persistently difficult, learning from one another, relating to one another when we are tired, hungry, sick, or cold. Did anyone tell you that it snows in Israel? It snows, rains, the winds are treacherous, and we are experiencing it all, here on holy land.

This week we went to Bethlehem. I had a migraine (no Pepsi here and crazy barometric pressure doesn't help), but the anticipation and reality of going to Bethlehem was something I simply couldn't miss. Bethlehem is occupied territory which means that it is Palestinian, but under authority of Israel. I can't begin to go into the complicated nature of the political structure of the West Bank. Realistically, I simply don't want to get into politics.

What I can say is that traveling to Bethlehem was different. We were instructed to bring our passports. That was new, because walking around Jerusalem didn't necessitate the same instruction. Mind you, our IDs were never checked. But, thousands of Palestinians suffer through an evasive process to leave for work (lining up at 5:00 A.M.) and subsequently returning in the evening (also by 5:00 P.M). Palestinians are searched, harassed, and electronically fingerprinted when entering and leaving the occupied territory of Bethlehem. We simply rode a bus with the right license plates and were able to move right along. It felt strange having this much privilege amidst the oppressed and those that were refugees.

I don't want to sound so fatalistic about my experience in Bethlehem. It was beautiful and at one point the weather was entirely schizophrenic. It was snowing/sleeting, windy, and to our right a beautiful hazy rainbow appeared. Additionally, all at once music began to play. We heard a Muslim "Call to Prayer", Jingle Bells in Arabic (ish...ringaling), bagpipes, and percussion. In theory we were all here sharing similar sacred moments. But, it's not that easy. There was an immense amount of military presence including Israeli, Palestinian, and Jordanian. Joy existed, but it also existed among and within an oppressed population.

I chose not to post photos from the refugee camp we visited. The name of the camp is Aida. Rev. Carrie Smith spoke to us tonight and a Palestinian said to her about a pottery class they had and the goal was to sell the product as dishware. The gentlemen said, "I have a problem with dishes that signify the oppression of my people." I didn't take photographs, or at least many at Aida. I felt like a voyeur watching someone else's immense suffering. This is the part of the pilgrimage that became excruciating for me. I want to share a meal, wash some laundry, talk to someone that can change something. But, there is no one and I am not the voice that needs to convene that conversation. There was nothing any of us could do that would make the lives of those families better or easier.

So, at the end of the day...I'm simply left with the same prayer of peace in occupied lands. Because, I still can't even wrap my head around all we've experienced.

Holy One,

I pray for equality, peace and justice in a land and a place that struggles with seeing "the other" as his/her brother/sister. Don't we all have that same struggle in seeing Jesus in the eyes of others? Help us to understand that the art we buy might symbolize the oppression of our new friends. Help us to understand that with great privilege comes greater responsibility. Creator, help us to see that joy you bring and the moments that are right in front of us. March us forward moments when alone, we are incapable. Remind us that even Jesus struggled with doubt, we struggle to find hope here and know that peace and hope can only be of you.

Amen