So, what does one do when she has no control of the process? Well, she/me...pushes forward as far as she can and breathes through the rest. I am waiting (and in as much as I can...refraining from the debilitating anxiety that wrecks me) for news on jobs, graduate programs, relationship plans, kiddo number one is to graduate...
I must literally look myself in the mirror and say..."I've done my best"...the rest is in YOUR hands...and by Your hands...I don't mean the reflection, me. The reflection is just a reminder that I'm letting go...it's accountability. Because, as I see it...no one will do that for me, except me of course.
The last twelve months have been an exercise in trust. I've had to trust my gut/my God. And, sonofa...it's (the gut part) been wrong a couple of times. Perhaps, maybe I just misunderstood. But, more often than not, the results have been grand and I've met people, experienced things, lived more truthfully than I have in...perhaps ever.
So, this still sucks...the waiting. But, I'm trying. Please don't forget about me. I know that I have lessons to learn and this is just one of the many. I long to know...but, maybe knowing you are with me is enough for now. I'm just going to "reach out to you with my own two hands"...because that's all I have to give today.
Amen
P.S. I would appreciate a little help with these blisters...it will help in the training process...literally and figuratively
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