It's a choice...

Hey there...This is it. I think this particular blog has served it's purpose. I am going to write for a bit today on something that I think is really important. I am going to continue writing. But, for me...this account has to have some closure.

That being said...I've come to some realizations in my own life.

1-I need to be more patient with people. I need to understand that when individuals get angry and lash out, they aren't necessarily angry or lashing out at me. Sometimes, they might also feel powerless to help and that feeling of powerlessness can come out in various ways. I had a pretty rough conversation with someone I love. And, I know they love me. But, I felt criticized. I had worked my tail off to make something happen. In fact, I had put out a pretty significant fire. I probably wasn't in the best place for a "you don't realize how you can come off" lecture. (And, I do. I realize that I can be a major b****. I realize that the business of doing sometimes gets in the way of relationships and people) But, I came unglued when I was listening to my friend attempt to enlighten me. I cried. But, I didn't ask for what I needed either. I didn't set up boundaries and say..."Hey, I'm a little raw right now...can you just be my friend?" I expected. I assumed that my friend knew my cup was pretty full. Mental note. See? I can accept my deficiencies.

2-It's not always about me. In fact, people's reactions are rarely personal. You know that I think anger is a secondary emotion. When you are the target though, it's difficult to detach and be reasonable. Last week we ran out of blueberries at work. I mean seriously? Yes, blueberries. My boss did a pretty good job in reminding me of the insignificance of my phone call. Once I took a deep breath, I realized it wasn't about the blueberries. Thank God. I'd definitely need some further medication if it had been all about the blueberries. It was really about feeling overwhelmed. I'd held it together through a blizzard, an event, being short staffed, parenting, and church obligations. Those blueberries just pushed me over the edge. For me, those blueberries are a mental note to myself. So, if you call me freaking out because you lost your keys or can't find a post it note, I will listen. Because, "It's about more than blueberries."

3-Triage. You know that I don't define family in a traditional sense. If you are my friend, my co-worker, my colleague...inevitably you become part of my family. I love you. And, in that sense who gets what from me ends up being like triage. The biggest need gets the biggest chunk of my time, effort, money etc. It works for me. I know not everyone works that way and obligations have a different sort of categorized structure. But for me, it's not how we are related...But, who needs the attention most.

See you soon...peace and blessings,
M